Safe online dating and consent
Online dating (usually using smart phone apps or websites) is now one of the most common and accessible ways for all types of people to meet intimate partners.
Online dating can be a fantastic tool that enables access to a broad range of potential partners, however, it is important to be aware of the risks involved should you choose to online date. Stay safe!
Benefits
Dating online is becoming increasingly popular and some benefits include:
- Convenience – you can connect with people from the comfort of your lounge room!
- Making different and broader connections – you can connect with people you may not meet through your usual networks.
- Specificity – you can be specific about the types of relationships you are looking for as well as find people with similar interests, hobbies, and sexual orientations.
- Control – dating online gives you a chance to talk with someone before meeting them face-to-face and gives you some control over this initial contact and where things go from there. You may even establish friendships with those that intimate relationships do not progress with.
- Easy to meet new people – you can start conversations with people easily and get to know them before making any further decisions about meeting them in person or not.
Limitations
- Spam profiles or online bots – you may come across profiles that are misrepresented, inaccurate, or completely false. Sometimes these profiles are there to attract people to the platform and they can also be linked to financial scams. Other times, you may be spammed with ‘bots’ which are fake profiles that use algorithms to push you towards premium features.
- People may not be who they say they are – using online platforms people can be untruthful about who they are or what they are like and it can just be hard to really get to know someone online.
- Navigating and negotiating consent – online dating platforms can be a great for negotiating boundaries and discussing consent. But just because someone consents to something online or via text, things can be different in the moment.
- Private things may no longer be private online - remember that once you send an intimate image online, what happens to it can be out of your control. Conversations can also be saved and shared around with others.
- Exposure to negative content – you may also be exposed to sexism, racism, hostility, harassment, verbal abuse, unwanted graphic pictures, and obscene sexual solicitations on online dating platforms. This can lead to or exacerbate stress, anxiety, depression, low self-worth, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, or other mental health concerns.
- Matching algorithms – the compatibility matching algorithms are not always accurate and your success at making connections on these platforms is not a reflection of you or your personality or abilities. ‘Matches’, or lack of, aren’t always about you.
Tips for safe online dating and consent online
- Watch out for red flags – profiles with unclear photos, messages that don’t reflect your values, unsolicited intimate images, asking personal questions such as your address or bank details are all signs that this may not be a person you want to connect with. It’s important to know your own values and what you are looking for.
- Withhold personal information until you know the person well. It’s a good idea to set up an email address specifically for online dating. This can help protect you against scams and unwanted marketing and subscriptions.
- Keep initial meetings public and inexpensive – this gives you control to be able to leave if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. It’s a good idea to make your own way to the meeting and back home.
- Let a friend or family member know when you are meeting someone – even if you feel like you know the person you’ve met online well, it is important to tell a trusted person where you are going and with who. It’s also a good idea to have a safety plan with them about what to do if you are not having a good time.
- If you are an international student with Allianz as your OSHC, make sure you have downloaded and activated Sonder, they even have a feature where they will ‘check in’ with you after a certain amount of time- handy for those first time dates.
- Read the platform’s terms and conditions and check your privacy settings.
- Report inappropriate behaviour to the platform if possible and to the eSafety Commissioner.
- You may experience guilt, shame, or embarrassment about something that has occurred during or associated to your use of the online dating platform. Please do not hesitate to make an appointment with a member of the counselling team at Student Support and Wellbeing Services if you would like to discuss an uncomfortable event or distressing feelings associated with any aspect of your experience.