5. Swipe Left On Online Abuse

We all have the right to live our lives free from all forms of sexual violence.

If you have experienced dating app facilitated sexual violence – or any form of sexual violence – know that it is not your fault and that you are not alone. 

Both online and in-person forms of dating app facilitated violence can have a really significant impact on the person who experienced the violence. It’s important to remember that experiences of sexual violence can affect everyone differently. How one person feels following an experience of sexual violence, might be really different to how another person feels. 

Similarly, the steps that one person wants to take following an experience of sexual violence may not feel right for another person. You have the right to choose if, how and when you seek support or report an experience of dating app facilitated sexual violence.

Some of your options could include: 

• Accessing a support service. There are lots of reasons someone might access a support service. You might want to talk to someone about what happened and know that you’ll be supported and believed, or maybe you want information around reporting and legal options. You can find a list of LGBTQIA+ inclusive services here. 
• Reporting your experience to the app. The eSafety Guide contains information about how to report content and users on different dating and social media apps. 
• Blocking the user. The eSafety Guide contains information about how to block other users on different dating and social media apps.
• Documenting your experience. If you have had an experience of online sexual violence, you could take a screenshot of the messages or make a note of their username, and the date and time the message was sent. (Note: don’t screenshot nude or sexual images of anyone under 18, as saving these can be illegal)
• Reporting to e-Safety. If someone has shared, or has threatened to share, a real or fake intimate image or video of you without your consent, you can report this to the eSafety Commissioner. 
   

We all have the power to make dating apps safer, more respectful spaces. Here are a few things we can all do to contribute to a culture of respect on dating apps (and in real life!). 

Create a culture of consent.

Consent is just as important in the online world as it is in person. Before you send that nude photo or start sexting someone, make sure they actually want to receive that picture or that message. Whether you’re spending with someone online or in real life, take the time to have a conversation to find out what you both like and what your boundaries are. 

It’s important to remember that consent needs to be informed and specific.

For instance, if someone tells you that they like receiving intimate photos, this does not necessarily mean that person likes receiving any and all intimate photos. For example, they might like to receive partially clothed photos, but not fully nude photos. 

Check-in.

Remember, consent is about mutual respect and is an ongoing process. 

Our boundaries, and what we like and do not like can change over time. We are always allowed to change our minds about what kind of sexual activity we do and don’t want to participate in.
Someone might be in the mood to engage in sexting at one point in time, but not at another point in time, for example. Equally, we might be in the mood for one kind of activity, but not another. 

If you’re not sure if someone is into what’s happening, check-in with them.

Respect people’s boundaries.

Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves in our lives and relationships. Boundaries are heavily tied to our values. If our decisions, the things we say yes and no to, are aligned with our values, we are much more likely to feel comfortable, confident, and happy.

When someone sets a boundary with us or says ‘no’, it can be understandable to feel disappointed or upset. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings, while also respecting that person’s boundary.
It’s also important to consider that the way you respond to someone outlining a boundary or to hearing ‘no’ can impact how comfortable that person feels expressing their boundaries in the future. 
If someone sets a boundary with you, it can be a sign that they feel safe and comfortable enough with you to openly express what they do and don’t want. 
We can all contribute to creating a culture of respect by making the people in our lives feel comfortable enough to communicate their needs, wants and boundaries.  
 

• Nudes: a naked or partially naked photo or video of someone.
• Sexting: sending sexual texts or messages. 
• Dating app: an online platform primarily used to meet potential sexual and/or romantic partners. Common examples include apps like Tinder, Hinge, Grindr and Her.